Last night my wife was out in town for a Hen Party, so the wee dude and myself had a few whiskies, juggled some knives and watched a bit of Babestation before hitting the hay for an early night. I was woken up around 11pm with the front door opening as The Roobs arrived home, and after she dumped her jacket off in the living room I heard her climb the stairs to go to the bathroom, and I could have sworn I heard her sobbing.

I was just about to get up and check on her, when she popped her head into the bedroom to say hello. She seemed perfectly fine, no tears and seemingly had a good night. So I settled back down and fell asleep again for a bit..
Soon after, The Destroyer woke up after having a bad dream, so upstairs came my wonderful wife to help get him settled again. Since she was there to help with the dude, I decided to hobble my sore back through to the bathroom for a quick piddle, and with my bleary eyes I turned the light on, lifted the lid and let the yellowy flow commence.
Still half asleep, I slowly looked up from my task in hand, to be faced with the cold, black soul eating eyes of the groom-to-be. 😳

I leapt back, spraying piss water over my shins, the wall beside me and halfway up the shower cubicle. My already seized up back spasmed and I crashed against the wall beside me, nearly rudely inserting a toilet roll holder into my unmentionables.

Once I composed myself and wiped all the pish from my legs, chest and armpits, I came back to the bedroom to find The Roobs vibrating slightly as she nearly hosed laugher piss over the bed at my predicament. Turns out, she hadn’t been crying earlier like I thought when she had first come home. Well, not in sadness anyway. No, she’d been crying laughing to herself at her devious plan.

In the dark, on a stairwell, relatively sober and near sobbing with laughter at her own prank. What a knob.

INearlyDied
HelpMeJebusImFalling
LikeImBeingStaredAtByConchitaWurst

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