Who Is Doghouse Dad?
‘Doghouse Dad’ is Scott Taylor, a 42 year old father and husband who misses sleep like it was a long lost love, and has an inherent suspicion of people who freely choose to eat olives. Having moved south from Thurso back in his late teens, Scott has spent most of his adult life working as a bouncer in various pubs and clubs in and around Aberdeen, usually trying to look like he knew what he was doing whilst secretly concentrating on where he was getting his next coffee and packet of Wine Gums from.
After a brief period of unsuccessfully trying to get famous as an internet radio personality, (check out dhbradio.com) Scott finally settled down into married life and now spends his time grumping at how people still bother listening to Radio 1, and why old people with shopping trollies have to stand yapping in the narrowest aisle of Tesco when all you want is to get past and grab a packet of frozen peas.
Scott has an adult daughter who lives with her partner and son in the far north of Scotland, a little too far away for Scott’s liking, but just far enough away that he’s able to tell stories about her in this blog without getting punched in the throat.
He also has a two year old son with his wonderful wife, ‘The Roobs’, who he calls wonderful in this blog because she allows him to post ridiculous stories about her and the nonsense she fills their lives with, and so far has not retaliated by hacking off Scott’s genitalia in the middle of the night with a pair of childs safety scissors.
Q: Why do you call your wife, ‘The Roobs’?
A: My wife used to play Roller Derby pretty seriously, and she was bloody good at it too. Going so far as to earn herself tryouts for the national team before she had to stop playing due to the ‘Nine Month Sick Note’ that gave us our son. Anyway, As a player you can choose a nickname that’s used during games by announcers and your team mates, and The Roobs was called ‘Ruby Riot’. Now, I can only surmise that she was called this because she’s a dirty, soul stealing ginger who liked to cause a ruckus on track, but that’s purely conjecture on my part. Anyway, I didn’t fancy calling her Ruby as there’s nothing worse during sexy times than calling out a name that reminds you of American comedian/TV Host Ruby Wax, a woman guaranteed to ruin my feeble erection everytime. So ‘Roobs’ was born.
It also helps that it rhymes with Boobs. What? I’m emotionally a 12 year old..
Q: And your son is called The Destroyer?
A: Before he was born, we would joke that our pleasant life of Warcraft marathon sessions, drinking until we looked attractive and our much prized sleeping patterns would be ‘Destroyed’ by this newcomer to the party. Also, considering the size of my massive head, we fully expected our son to be born into this world with a cranium so massive it would have all the maternity ward equipment caught in its geosynchronis orbit. Secretly I also feared that he would erupt from my wife’s nethers like the chest burster in ‘Alien’, leaving her lady garden looking like someone had been hacking up a two seater sofa with a Tomahawk.
I am happy to confirm that neither of these things actually happened, his head seemed to be not much larger than medically expected. The only damage that we can claim was caused by his passage into the world is that now if The Roobs laughs too hard at anything on the TV, her weakend bladder muscles give out and she pisses over the settee like someone has kicked the head off a garden sprinkler.
Q: So why start a blog?
A: Doghouse Dad is little more than the collected ramblings of an overweight balding man who kept being told, “You should start a blog!” by people who were getting sick of seeing their Facebook feeds spammed by his collected thoughts and complaints. So instead of suffering more ‘LOLZ’ or ‘TL;DR’ comments on Unsocial Media, it was time to set up this page and shout at the general internet instead.
Joking aside, I enjoy writing stories about my life and those people around me who I care about. And there’s nothing that pleases me more than having someone tell me that they’ve read some of my work, and found themselves laughing out loud at it. During my years working as a pub and club doorman, I gathered together a load of tales and tucked them away in a drawer, in the hope that one day I could gather them together in a book and see what people thought. After some cajoling from my wife, I finally decided to put all the stories and self publish the book onto the Kindle Store, where you can still find it by searching for ‘Knuckle Dragger: Offbeat Tales From A Life On The Doors’.
Amazingly it sold pretty well, breaking into the top ten autobiography chart, humour chart and just nearly breaking into the top ten sellers on release. I’ve loved all the feedback the book got, either good or bad’, and it only encouraged me to continue writing and try to improve my style and humour as I went. If anything, this may blog as it grows may only be further evidence that my humour is in the toilet, and I write like a chimpanzee headbutting an Etch-a-Sketch.
Social Media Links.
Facebook Page: facebook.com/doghousedad
YouTube Channel: Coming Soon.